23 Thoughts On Turning 23

happy birthday, humor, aging, birthday humor, twenty-something, existential crisis

1.  Holy shit, I’m old.

2.  Well, not really.  But still.  I graduated high school five years ago.  Holy shit.

3.  I should probably get a wrinkle cream, right?  Start now, before it’s too late?  Good idea, me.

4.  Maybe I should take out my nose ring now.  Is 23 too old to have a nose ring?  …Or a giraffe onesie?  Or a t-shirt with a giant cat on it?

5.  Maybe I should get a boyfriend now.  Is 23 too old to be single still?  How many more years until I have to worry about fertility?

6.  I don’t want a boyfriend.

7.  Jennifer Lawrence is 24.  She has an Oscar (probably).  I’m 23… and I don’t have an Oscar.

8.  Shit.

9.  Is 23 too early to have a quarter life crisis?

10.  Is 23 too late to start acting classes so I can catch up to Jennifer Lawrence?  I wanna be BFFs with Bradley Cooper too.

11.  Bradley Cooper was on an episode of Sex in the City, right?

12.  They’re all in their thirties and still single on Sex in the City.  I’m fine.

13.  But really, what age does your fertility start to decrease?

14.  Maybe I should get another cat.

15.  Or make a real estate investment.  Or stocks?  Or get my own apartment.

16.  Whatever, the internet says it’s fine to be a wild and carefree twenty-something.  I’m definitely okay.

17.  Too bad the internet doesn’t say anything about being a twenty-something with a badly paid job and two other part time jobs on the side.  Who lives with her Mommy.  With a well-loved Netflix subscription.  That’s “wild and carefree,” right?

18.  Maybe I should Google “fertility declines”.

19.  Thank God 23 is old enough to buy wine.

20.  And adopt cats.

21. Maybe I should register with eHarmony.

22.  Or not.  Are there still birthday cupcakes left?

23.  I’ll be fine.