Hello, my name is Kelsey and I am a Garbage Person.
What is a Garbage Person, you ask? Oh, you didn’t ask at all? That’s fine because I’m still going to tell you.
Being a Garbage Person is a way of life. It’s being so lazy in certain aspects of life that you are ashamed to admit your laziness out loud. It’s doing certain things with so little effort that you are almost impressed with yourself. Garbage People are not exactly gross, unmotivated, or bad people. But we can be sometimes… and we’re okay with it. #GarbagePersonForLife
However, my Garbage-ness is starting to overtake my regular self. And I feel like I am falling into a downward spiral and need to pull myself out of it or else I face a very trashy future.
To start the healing process it seems as if admitting my Garbage-ness is the first step. But, as I’m afraid I may lose some of my friends if I were to truly admit all of my Garbage ways, I thought I’d just round up the highlights.
10 Reasons I’m A Garbage Person
- In the past week I have sprayed air freshener from the work restrooms on myself because I forgot perfume that morning and was worried that I might smell. So instead I smell like “fresh linen.”
- I really wanted a milkshake to drown my sorrows in while I worked on job applications but I didn’t have a blender, so I let the ice-cream melt on the counter so I could sip it instead.
- Without finishing my current coffee I have bought another coffee in anticipation of needing it. Two coffees. I even had someone commemorate it with a picture.
- Every single one of my “bright spots” (AKA a happy thing in our lives) at our weekly staff meeting at work has been related to food. If it’s not then I get called out for it. My brand at work is “food.”
- I recently tried to throw my garbage away but the garbage chute was full so I just turned around brought the garbage back into my apartment. Seriously. Actual Garbage Person. The dumpster felt too far. I may or may not live on the second floor, but it still felt too far.
- On more than one occasion I have used lipstick as blush when I couldn’t find my blush.
- I have faked receiving a phone call to get out of a conversation at least twice in the last month. One of those times was today. I’m not sorry.
- Last week I set up my mat to do yoga and then instead laid on the mat for 45 minutes watching baking videos on my phone instead of actually doing yoga. And then left the mat on the floor because “my cat likes to lay on it.”
- Once, when my leggings ripped, instead of just not wearing them I used duck-tape on the inside of the legging to cover the hole until I went to get new ones. I even drew on the exposed tape with a black marker to help it blend in. I also did this many, many, many times, and thought it was hilarious.
- After catering shifts, instead of taking a regular shower, I sit down in my tub with my shower on when I wash my hair. It takes forever and totally defeats the purpose of a shower. But my legs are usually throbbing so I refuse to apologize for this.
And those are just the things that I feel comfortable admitting. I’m hoping that by stating that I have a problem I can start to heal from my trashy tendencies. Recognizing the problem is the first step, right?
Thank you all for your kind thoughts as I try to work through this rough point in my life.
Do you have Garbage-like tendencies? What are they? I’d love to hear them so I can start to hate myself less. Leave them in the comments!